I've talked about Domestic Violence before. I am a victim of it myself. NO, I am a SURVIVOR of it! So, why am I talking about it today? A few reasons, you can never talk about it enough. This is not, nor should ever be a hush hush topic. This is a real epidemic in our country and all over the world. I am currently surviving my hell. I am grateful to my friends and family, the police and the courts for keeping me protected. I know now that I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I didn't cause my abuser's issues. That's all I will say about that. Why am I so outspoken about this? I am vocal about my experience in hopes that my story will save lives!
Recent events bring me to the following: I belong to several business groups. Last week a friend/member of one of the group's reached out to us. He had just found out that a family friend was beaten by her spouse. A long list of members advised him to call Turning Point. I reached out to him and gave him my number for his friend to call me. Why you might ask? Simple, I felt I needed to help this woman in any way that I could. I find out that she is alone. She reached out to me and is where I was two years ago. Unless you go through something like this, you will never understand the thoughts and feelings that we go through. You can be there as a support system, but you will never truly understand. I met her today at the courthouse. Thankfully she had family friends with her today, whom I met. I saw myself in this woman. The fear, the deep gutteral cries, shakes, helplessness, confusion, sadness, nausea and the feeling of wanting to pass out. Then there is also a feeling of love. Yes, you heard me, love. You are probably asking yourself, how can you love someone that physically and mentally hurt you? You just do; especially if you have children together. It doesn't just disappear overnight. It is normal. So many questions run through your head. In court, the hate and lies from the abuser is to much to take. The abuser doesn't like to lose control over the victim. Plus, the abuser doesn't think they did anything wrong. Instant blame on the victim. Yes, ridiculous but true. This is an illness; a mental illness of the abuser.
As the moments, days, and weeks go by, you go through a whole bunch of emotion; the grieving process. No matter what you go through in life, let me assure you one thing, nobody and I mean nobody can tell another human being how to feel. That is something that is personal in each individual. That's what makes us human. People mean well in their own way. But in the future, just keep this in mind - try not to force your feelings or opinions on others. Allow yourself and others to feel. It's okay!
If you are an abuser reading this, please get help for yourself and end the cycle. Maybe you were abused as a child. I don't know. That is something to deal with. As a human being, are you happy with beating up a woman or man? If so, you need to examine why. You need help. End the cycle of violence. Please!
If you are a victim reading this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many organizations like Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley to help you. Whatever you do, DON'T GO BACK! You deserve to live a life of freedom. YOU are WORTH living YOUR life without harm! You can survive this! If you or someone you know is being abused, please get help! Remember this...the physical pain goes away but the psychological scars stay with you forever.
Showing posts with label Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Show all posts
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
It Will Be Okay..Step Out From the Shadows
It Will Be Okay...Step Out from the Shadows!
I have to say, the more I talk about domestic violence the more it seems to help. I really wasn't expecting that. It may seem that my blogs have become more about this lately and that's ok. It is domestic violence awareness month afterall. My hope is that by sharing my experience, it will save lives.
So what am I writing about today? Well, it stems from a phone call I got this morning from an acquaintance/friend of mine asking for help for one of his friends. He is out of state and she lives here in the Lehigh Valley. He felt helpless, until by fate, my face popped up on his Facebook page with a quote I had posted. He knows about my story and asked if he could contact me. At first I thought he had some nutrition questions. That wasn't the case. He called for my help and input regarding this friend of his who is in an emotionally abusive relationship. This so called man (her boyfriend) is very controlling and manipulative. He is quite older too. She is scared and feels alone. This "man" is using every trick in the book to scare her into staying. I hate that! This so called man obviously has low self esteem, no courage, and probably a small penis too. Yeah, I went there. I have no tolerance for men like this. I lived it for way to long myself. No, I don't hate men. Just those that think they are all that and then some. Those men that feel like women owe them. Those men that think it's ok to control another human being. Well guess what, slavery was abolished years ago! I gave my friend advice and welcomed her to contact me. I also advised my friend about Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Their mission is to work toward the elimination of domestic violence, increase community awareness of the problem, empower victims of domestic violence by providing shelter and support services. I am eternally grateful to them!
Ladies, if a man tells you that you will never find another man, that you aren't good enough, pretty enough, or any other ridiculous statement; then that man (or person) is not for you. You are worthy of so much more. You are worthy of being with someone that will treat you like a partner, who will lift you up in spirit and not knock you down every chance they get. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse the scars go away, trust me, I know. It's the memories from emotional abuse that last a lifetime. Don't let another person tell you that you are alone and will have nobody there for you. That's pure bullshit! I don't care if you are straight, gay, rich or poor; abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated! I can say this confidently now. I was in the shadows for most of my life. You are not alone, there are people and organizations out there to help you and protect you. Save your life. You deserve to live your life safely and in true happiness. It's going to be ok! It's time..Step out of the shadows...
I have to say, the more I talk about domestic violence the more it seems to help. I really wasn't expecting that. It may seem that my blogs have become more about this lately and that's ok. It is domestic violence awareness month afterall. My hope is that by sharing my experience, it will save lives.
So what am I writing about today? Well, it stems from a phone call I got this morning from an acquaintance/friend of mine asking for help for one of his friends. He is out of state and she lives here in the Lehigh Valley. He felt helpless, until by fate, my face popped up on his Facebook page with a quote I had posted. He knows about my story and asked if he could contact me. At first I thought he had some nutrition questions. That wasn't the case. He called for my help and input regarding this friend of his who is in an emotionally abusive relationship. This so called man (her boyfriend) is very controlling and manipulative. He is quite older too. She is scared and feels alone. This "man" is using every trick in the book to scare her into staying. I hate that! This so called man obviously has low self esteem, no courage, and probably a small penis too. Yeah, I went there. I have no tolerance for men like this. I lived it for way to long myself. No, I don't hate men. Just those that think they are all that and then some. Those men that feel like women owe them. Those men that think it's ok to control another human being. Well guess what, slavery was abolished years ago! I gave my friend advice and welcomed her to contact me. I also advised my friend about Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Their mission is to work toward the elimination of domestic violence, increase community awareness of the problem, empower victims of domestic violence by providing shelter and support services. I am eternally grateful to them!
Ladies, if a man tells you that you will never find another man, that you aren't good enough, pretty enough, or any other ridiculous statement; then that man (or person) is not for you. You are worthy of so much more. You are worthy of being with someone that will treat you like a partner, who will lift you up in spirit and not knock you down every chance they get. Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse the scars go away, trust me, I know. It's the memories from emotional abuse that last a lifetime. Don't let another person tell you that you are alone and will have nobody there for you. That's pure bullshit! I don't care if you are straight, gay, rich or poor; abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated! I can say this confidently now. I was in the shadows for most of my life. You are not alone, there are people and organizations out there to help you and protect you. Save your life. You deserve to live your life safely and in true happiness. It's going to be ok! It's time..Step out of the shadows...
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Coming Out as a Domestic Violence Victim
October is domestic violence awareness month. In the Lehigh Valley we have Turning Point. There are all sorts of activites going on. October 1st was the Step Out Against Domestic Violence 5k Walk/Run. My kids and I volunteered and walked. Tonight was the annual candlelight vigil. If you have never gone to one, make it a point to next year. You will never look at domestic violence the same ever again.
A few days ago, Turning Point asked me to speak on behalf of the survivors. I hesitated because even though I'm pretty open about my being a victim, I thought to myself, am I ready to go public? The answer was yes. If I only help one person then that's what matters. I pre-wrote some of my story knowing that if I didn't write something up ahead of time I wouldn't have control and would keep rambling. I am still living my hell everyday even though my spouse is out of the house. I live in fear everyday.
I didn't know what to expect tonight. Of course I knew there would be sadness. But the energy in the room was of love and concern. It was a moving tribute to those dead and alive. After opening words, dance tributes, songs and stories shared, it was my turn to speak. I kept running it over and over in my head on how to begin. I didn't want to just read off of a piece of paper. I thanked everyone for coming, I looked at the students and said "Listen to your gut, your instincts, because I didn't." Then I proceeded to read what I wrote. Within the first sentence I became overwhelmed. The tears started flowing. I couldn't see the paper through those tears. I didn't know if I could go on but I did. I had to. I had to on behalf of those that died, the other current survivors and for the victims that didn't find their voice yet. I told my story through lots of tears, I barely made it through. But I did! I told my story live tonight for the first time and I would do it again. I live in fear but I have my freedom. The cycle ends with me. I don't want my kids living the life I led in abuse. The love I received from alot of people after the vigil surprised me. Each person said how brave I am. Funny, I don't feel brave. Sometimes I can barely breathe. Tomorrow, I will wake up and put one foot in front of the other.
Please, if you or someone you know is in danger due to domestic violence, there is help out there. If you are in the Lehigh Valley, PA, Turning Point will help you. If you aren't in the Lehigh Valley, there are organizations everywhere that you can contact.
A few days ago, Turning Point asked me to speak on behalf of the survivors. I hesitated because even though I'm pretty open about my being a victim, I thought to myself, am I ready to go public? The answer was yes. If I only help one person then that's what matters. I pre-wrote some of my story knowing that if I didn't write something up ahead of time I wouldn't have control and would keep rambling. I am still living my hell everyday even though my spouse is out of the house. I live in fear everyday.
I didn't know what to expect tonight. Of course I knew there would be sadness. But the energy in the room was of love and concern. It was a moving tribute to those dead and alive. After opening words, dance tributes, songs and stories shared, it was my turn to speak. I kept running it over and over in my head on how to begin. I didn't want to just read off of a piece of paper. I thanked everyone for coming, I looked at the students and said "Listen to your gut, your instincts, because I didn't." Then I proceeded to read what I wrote. Within the first sentence I became overwhelmed. The tears started flowing. I couldn't see the paper through those tears. I didn't know if I could go on but I did. I had to. I had to on behalf of those that died, the other current survivors and for the victims that didn't find their voice yet. I told my story through lots of tears, I barely made it through. But I did! I told my story live tonight for the first time and I would do it again. I live in fear but I have my freedom. The cycle ends with me. I don't want my kids living the life I led in abuse. The love I received from alot of people after the vigil surprised me. Each person said how brave I am. Funny, I don't feel brave. Sometimes I can barely breathe. Tomorrow, I will wake up and put one foot in front of the other.
Please, if you or someone you know is in danger due to domestic violence, there is help out there. If you are in the Lehigh Valley, PA, Turning Point will help you. If you aren't in the Lehigh Valley, there are organizations everywhere that you can contact.
Friday, September 30, 2011
October Awareness Month
Can you believe tomorrow is the first day of October? October is a big month for awareness. The biggest being Breast Cancer Awareness and the other Domestic Violence Awareness. Both causes are important to me along with many other people.
We are all touched by someone that has or had cancer; especially breast cancer. I know and have known to many people that have cancer, are in remission from cancer, or died from cancer. Some very close to me, others acquaintances. I am hopeful that we will have a cure. But, part of me is skeptical because I, along with many people believe our government, insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies do not want a cure to be found. I know that is a bold statement. There is big business being made off of people's illnesses, diseases, etc. It's a vicious circle. When will it stop? When we take a stand! We need to start holding people, companies, and our government accountable. Each one of us has a voice...use it! You need to be your own best advocate! Know your body..Be heard and get involved. Most importantly, take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit.
Domestic Abuse/Violence touches me personally because I am a victim and current survivor. I will not say much about my situation right now. I am doing everything I can to protect myself and my children. Why am I telling you this, because I am putting a face to it. I am not ashamed anymore. I am taking my power back and hoping to help other women get their power back too! Domestic Abuse/Violence crosses all social status'; ranging from the garbage collector to the surgeon. It doesn't recognize race, creed, religion, etc. Yes, men too but in a smaller percentage. People say, "Why don't you just get out?" or "Why did you let that happen?" There are so many different answers to that which is different for everyone. The physical scars go away but the mental scars last a lifetime! If you or someone you know is in danger, there is help out there. Here in the Lehigh Valley, it's Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Tomorrow, October 1st, is the Step Out Against Domestic Violence 5k Walk/Run. If you have time, please stop by and support such a great organization. Info can be found at http://www.turningpointlv.org/. I wish you love, happiness, wealth and peace!
October is also National Disability Month, Healthy Lung Month, National Lupus Awareness Month, Health Literacy Month, National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, National Liver Awareness Month, Sudden Infant Death (SIDS) Awareness Month, National Spina Bifida Month and National Brain Injury Month.
We are all touched by someone that has or had cancer; especially breast cancer. I know and have known to many people that have cancer, are in remission from cancer, or died from cancer. Some very close to me, others acquaintances. I am hopeful that we will have a cure. But, part of me is skeptical because I, along with many people believe our government, insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies do not want a cure to be found. I know that is a bold statement. There is big business being made off of people's illnesses, diseases, etc. It's a vicious circle. When will it stop? When we take a stand! We need to start holding people, companies, and our government accountable. Each one of us has a voice...use it! You need to be your own best advocate! Know your body..Be heard and get involved. Most importantly, take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit.
Domestic Abuse/Violence touches me personally because I am a victim and current survivor. I will not say much about my situation right now. I am doing everything I can to protect myself and my children. Why am I telling you this, because I am putting a face to it. I am not ashamed anymore. I am taking my power back and hoping to help other women get their power back too! Domestic Abuse/Violence crosses all social status'; ranging from the garbage collector to the surgeon. It doesn't recognize race, creed, religion, etc. Yes, men too but in a smaller percentage. People say, "Why don't you just get out?" or "Why did you let that happen?" There are so many different answers to that which is different for everyone. The physical scars go away but the mental scars last a lifetime! If you or someone you know is in danger, there is help out there. Here in the Lehigh Valley, it's Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. Tomorrow, October 1st, is the Step Out Against Domestic Violence 5k Walk/Run. If you have time, please stop by and support such a great organization. Info can be found at http://www.turningpointlv.org/. I wish you love, happiness, wealth and peace!
October is also National Disability Month, Healthy Lung Month, National Lupus Awareness Month, Health Literacy Month, National Down Syndrome Awareness Month, National Liver Awareness Month, Sudden Infant Death (SIDS) Awareness Month, National Spina Bifida Month and National Brain Injury Month.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Do you help your community?
I know, I know, it's been awhile since my last post! Relax if you don't have kids. This is not just a post about children; especially mine. I have a point here I promise:)
I had the pleasure of helping out at my son's elementary school for picture day. My son, along with all of the other kids looked great and were happy to take a break from their lessons even if it was for pictures. You see, I am on my school's PTO (Parent Teacher Organization). If you are a parent with a child in school you should really attend meetings. You are a true participant in your children's education. I was able to volunteer because of the PTO today. Great friendships are made with other parents, teachers and the principal. The PTO gives back to the school which is part of our community. Check it out at least once!
Don't have kids? That's okay. There are plenty of other opportunities to help your community. See if there is a Main Street Program in your city or town. Get involved in a charity. I work closely with Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. They help women like me that are victims of domestic abuse/violence. If you live in the Lehigh Valley, Step Out Against Domestic Violence 5k Walk/Run is Saturday, October 1st at the Lehigh Parkway. Would love to see you there. Not in the Lehigh Valley? That's ok, support other causes in your area! We are all in this together. Each individual on this Earth makes a difference... What are you doing?
Did you know that giving back not just in money but in giving of your time makes a huge difference in your overall health? When you help others, it's a natural way to feel good about yourself which in turn reduces your stress level. You will therefore lead a more productive life! How cool is that? I look forward to hearing how you are making a difference!
I had the pleasure of helping out at my son's elementary school for picture day. My son, along with all of the other kids looked great and were happy to take a break from their lessons even if it was for pictures. You see, I am on my school's PTO (Parent Teacher Organization). If you are a parent with a child in school you should really attend meetings. You are a true participant in your children's education. I was able to volunteer because of the PTO today. Great friendships are made with other parents, teachers and the principal. The PTO gives back to the school which is part of our community. Check it out at least once!
Don't have kids? That's okay. There are plenty of other opportunities to help your community. See if there is a Main Street Program in your city or town. Get involved in a charity. I work closely with Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley. They help women like me that are victims of domestic abuse/violence. If you live in the Lehigh Valley, Step Out Against Domestic Violence 5k Walk/Run is Saturday, October 1st at the Lehigh Parkway. Would love to see you there. Not in the Lehigh Valley? That's ok, support other causes in your area! We are all in this together. Each individual on this Earth makes a difference... What are you doing?
Did you know that giving back not just in money but in giving of your time makes a huge difference in your overall health? When you help others, it's a natural way to feel good about yourself which in turn reduces your stress level. You will therefore lead a more productive life! How cool is that? I look forward to hearing how you are making a difference!
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