I've talked about Domestic Violence before. I am a victim of it myself. NO, I am a SURVIVOR of it! So, why am I talking about it today? A few reasons, you can never talk about it enough. This is not, nor should ever be a hush hush topic. This is a real epidemic in our country and all over the world. I am currently surviving my hell. I am grateful to my friends and family, the police and the courts for keeping me protected. I know now that I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I didn't cause my abuser's issues. That's all I will say about that. Why am I so outspoken about this? I am vocal about my experience in hopes that my story will save lives!
Recent events bring me to the following: I belong to several business groups. Last week a friend/member of one of the group's reached out to us. He had just found out that a family friend was beaten by her spouse. A long list of members advised him to call Turning Point. I reached out to him and gave him my number for his friend to call me. Why you might ask? Simple, I felt I needed to help this woman in any way that I could. I find out that she is alone. She reached out to me and is where I was two years ago. Unless you go through something like this, you will never understand the thoughts and feelings that we go through. You can be there as a support system, but you will never truly understand. I met her today at the courthouse. Thankfully she had family friends with her today, whom I met. I saw myself in this woman. The fear, the deep gutteral cries, shakes, helplessness, confusion, sadness, nausea and the feeling of wanting to pass out. Then there is also a feeling of love. Yes, you heard me, love. You are probably asking yourself, how can you love someone that physically and mentally hurt you? You just do; especially if you have children together. It doesn't just disappear overnight. It is normal. So many questions run through your head. In court, the hate and lies from the abuser is to much to take. The abuser doesn't like to lose control over the victim. Plus, the abuser doesn't think they did anything wrong. Instant blame on the victim. Yes, ridiculous but true. This is an illness; a mental illness of the abuser.
As the moments, days, and weeks go by, you go through a whole bunch of emotion; the grieving process. No matter what you go through in life, let me assure you one thing, nobody and I mean nobody can tell another human being how to feel. That is something that is personal in each individual. That's what makes us human. People mean well in their own way. But in the future, just keep this in mind - try not to force your feelings or opinions on others. Allow yourself and others to feel. It's okay!
If you are an abuser reading this, please get help for yourself and end the cycle. Maybe you were abused as a child. I don't know. That is something to deal with. As a human being, are you happy with beating up a woman or man? If so, you need to examine why. You need help. End the cycle of violence. Please!
If you are a victim reading this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many organizations like Turning Point of the Lehigh Valley to help you. Whatever you do, DON'T GO BACK! You deserve to live a life of freedom. YOU are WORTH living YOUR life without harm! You can survive this! If you or someone you know is being abused, please get help! Remember this...the physical pain goes away but the psychological scars stay with you forever.
This is a wonderful post Lisa. I congratulate you for your strength and courage. For being outspoken about a topic that like you say should not be hushed. We should talk about it, we should all let other women know that we are here if they need help and support. That we are paying attention. Good luck with everything and I pray for your safety and your children (even if I don't personally know you).
ReplyDelete